Heart to Heart Cafe

A Cup of Tea and a Friend's Hand

2010-11-09T19:41:00.000-06:00

A cup of warm tea and a friend to talk to is the best medicine for all the pain and grief this world can throw my way. Peace has returned to me soul today. After weeks of fear and confusion caused by my child's illness, it is now well with my soul. There is no explanation for this feeling except that God has answered the prayers of all my family and friends and my own pleas for relief. Trust in God drives out the spirit of fear. I have known this for many years and have had many opportunities to choose to trust God, but fear won out. This time is different. Why? I finally came to understand that I am not in control of most of the circumstances around me. When I make good choices for myself I am in control of me, but that is because they are my decisions. Now I am presented with a loved one whose decisions I am not and cannot be in control of and must step back. Jesus take the wheel. This is my first step to getting my life back which will help me to be a better wife, mother, daughter, and friend. I cannot fix this illness and I have no answers as to why or what caused this illness to come about. I am finally past the extreme sadness and have moved toward acceptance. In addition to answered prayer, all of this progress was made possible by the love and care from my husband, and some very special friend's who allowed me to vent, offered a smile, a hug with a huge cup of acceptance. I am blessed with such friends. They are Jesus' arms wrapping around me allowing me to heal so I can place my arm's around my daughter and help her to feel God's love and acceptance.

I have learned a lot recently about BPD (borderline personality disorder). I have learned that it's symptoms come and go. I have learned that medication and therapy will be a life-long need and that my loved one will need the love and support of family to have a normal-like life. It was recommended by her therapist that she seek SSI disability because working full-time is not sustainable. The predominant symptoms differ from person to person. My daughter's symptom's involve anger, paranoia (people approval is very important), and fear of being alone. The anger is what she has asked me to look for and will need to take her to the ER if this behavior gets out of hand.. I pray that her husband can handle this illness and that he gets the support he needs as well or he will suffer caregiver burnout.

God I trust You. I trust You because You have proven Yourself over and over again. You have been with me during great loss and gave me the courage to keep going. You have blessed me with love that I do not deserve. I trust You because I believe You are who the Bible says You are and that is by faith. I give you my life and I take my hands off because I just don't have all it takes to make it without Your Divine help. I need Your wisdom, Your strength, and the discernment to make good decisions. Thank you. Amen.

Releasing control to God

2010-10-24T18:47:00.001-05:00

Mental illness is not something I am familiar with. But it has come to my family and I must admit I have stumbled and dropped to the floor in so much agony I thought my heart would burst my chest open. My family is experiencing possible the most painful time we have ever been through. One of our children has been diagnosed with a very serious mental illness. The magnitude of this illness has a ripple affect across our entire family. First because of the shock and then because it has manifested itself and taken over our loved ones life. I am learning that the only way to get through it and to be supportive while they undergo intense therapy is to let go. Letting go of my children is the hardest thing this parent will ever do. For someone like me who tends to error on the co-dependent side, letting go and not rescuing my child is sheer torture. At first I wanted to hide out and not talk about it too much and stuff it and deal with it like some kind of tough guy. I found out after a couple of months that my body cannot handle that much pressure. So after a trip to the ER and medical leave from work I have decided to let go and allow God to teach me what I need to learn about myself through all this. I cannot help my child. Only professionals can help. I have also decided not to hide it. But I will reach out to trusted friends for understanding and comfort. I will allow myself to have some fun with my husband as I pray and trust God to work healing His way in the life of my child. I will journal my learning's here. Perhaps someone will come across this blog and find encouragement for their loved one through my honesty about a very real and debilitating illness called Borderline Personality Disorder.

The Law of Reciprocity

2010-07-24T12:14:00.002-05:00

I found myself giving marital advise recently, which I very rarely do, but this situation involved someone I know very well and I could tell they were traveling down a dimly lit path. So I jumped in with both feet and to my surprise they listened intently and found it to be helpful.

The picture above is of my husband and I sitting on top of one of the mountains near Aspen, Colorado on a summer's day. We had been married for about 8 years (we are now approaching our 15th). We already knew hardship and the stress of raising a blended family. We knew about being so broke that you eat a lot of mac and cheese with hamburger meat and breakfast for supper. We had learned how to hold on tight to each other when our hearts were breaking because of a stupid mistake one of our teenager's made. Through it all we learned how to be happy in marriage no matter what the circumstances. All of this is a preface to my marital advise to anyone who reads this. Just wanted you to know that I am not some pollyanna who hasn't experienced the pain and turmoil of life. Now to the advise I gave:

It ain't about you! Yep, that's my southern gal wisdom coming out. Hear me out. Do you want to be happy in marriage? It's called the law of reciprocity. In other words, what you do to and for your mate will come back to you in kind. But somebody has to start it. This is how.

1) Get your mind off your self and on your mate. I can hear your sigh. Keep reading.

2) Learn what your mate's love language is (affection, words, or deeds done with love) and spend your time meeting their needs. Some like to be hugged on , some like to hear affectionate words, some like gifts, some like to eat a good meal prepared by hands that love them.

3) Stop trying to change your mate. Only God can change people. You can pray for God to change a person, but there is nothing you can do to change them. I am not saying that if they have a serious emotional problem or addiction you should not help them seek professional help. Absolutely do that. I am saying that if they are an introvert by nature, don't try and make them an extrovert. If they love the city, don't force them to live in the country or visa/versa. Obviously you liked their character and personality traits when you married them so why are you trying to change them now? They don't like parties, so don't count on having many. So they don't want to live in the city like you do. Meet them half way and live 15 minutes out of town where there are trees. Opposites balance the relationship out.

4) Work on improving yourself. The Bible talks about taking a plank (board) out of your own eye before you criticize and judge someone else. This is an absolute necessity for a happy marriage. Open your own eyes and soul to what you can do to be a better person and thus a better mate. Are you negative all the time? Do you spend too much money? Are you a slob and unkept? Are you dishonest? Work on these things. It's called taking the board out of your own eye. You will be happier and you cannot give your mate what you don't have in yourself.

5) Do what's right even when it feels wrong. Take the high road or whatever you would like to call it, no matter what your mate does or doesn't do. You are responsible for your own behavior. Say I'm sorry....a lot! Everyone makes mistakes and says things they wish they hadn't. Be the first to apologize.

It's easy to list the basic keys to a happy marriage, and much harder to do them. But if you can take baby-steps and start with realizing that life isn't about you and start bringing happiness to your mate, the rest of the list will be so much easier. Remember, happiness comes from doing good things for and bringing joy to other people. Swallow your pride and admit that you don't know it all, or do it all. Your mate will let their guard down as well. Show some humility. Then the law of reciprocity will eventually come around and you will reap the seeds of love that you have sown.

Whew! I'm glad I got that off my chest!

Morning Stillness - His Mercies are New Every Morning

2010-07-02T17:22:00.003-05:00

Early morning is my favorite time of day. I sit on my back porch deck admiring the flowers I planted and breathing in their beauty. I watch the hummingbirds feed and chase each other many times buzzing straight through the deck and over my head with a swoosh! I listen to the quiet noise of the forest that begins at the edge of my back yard. There is the woodpecker who has found a dead tree about 2 acres back and pecks his way through. He is big with beautiful black, red and white feathers. In the Fall I will see squirrels gathering the nuts from our trees as they drop their acorns. I love that scent of autumn. Also there is a family of deer that bed down just over the hill and walk through our property noticing me, but never fearing me. A special treat is when my neighbor is sitting outside playing his fiddle. A talented man, father of four, husband of a hard-working gal with more concerns than she should have to bare.
On my back deck I prepare for the day by drinking my coffee, reading my Bible, praying, and listen to the morning stillness. It has a sound all it's own. This morning stillness is where I commune with God. I hear His gentle voice speaking words of encouragement, giving insight into how to solve life's challenges, but most of all providing peace. That is how I know God is near. Peace and contentment is His calling card. And with that peace, my heart is filled with love, joy, gratitude, and hope. I want to help somebody, be an encourager, make the most of my day by being a friend to someone in need. These emotions are all God inspired. For I cannot take back any "lost" days. Lost days are those days when I am not at peace and enjoying stillness, not being thankful, not loving others. I pray that I have very few lost days of missed opportunity to be a blessing to someone else. Thankfully, God allows me to begin again each morning and choose to enjoy His stillness. His mercies are new every morning. Lamentations 3:22-23

Flowers and a Soul Vacation Day

2010-06-19T12:53:00.002-05:00

I felt the dirt under my fingernails as I potted the remaining flowers on my back deck. The dirt was warm and a little dry as the heat reached around 90 degrees. The fierce heat causing the flowers such stress they wilted easily. But when the cool, refreshing water was poured over them, their stalks stood back up and the leaves opened to receive the cool refreshment. Watching this I was reminded of how parched and dry I get when the heat of trouble comes. It stresses me and gives me chest pain as the anxiety bubbles up from within. However, this stress and strain also causes me to appreciate the refreshing Living Water I receive when I run to God's Word.
My dryness comes when the anxious worry over takes me and instead of running to God for direction and comfort, I run through all the possible scenerios that a present trouble could bring. Foolishness!

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

There are many things I cannot change. I can't change the weather, but God can; I can't change someone who is hell-bent on destroying their life, but God can; I cannot control what other people do or say and God choses not to, but I can control myself. How? Through submission to God and what He would have me do or say causing me to manage my emotions correctly.

Submit to God - Stand firm in Faith - and the devil will flee. I declare my soul is on vacation as I turn over control to God for the things I cannot do anything about. BTW - that's about everything.

Drawing closer in Troubled Times

2010-06-05T21:20:00.007-05:00

It has been months since I posted in large part due to my broken wrist which greatly impaired my ability to type. But also, because my family has been going through some serious events, trials, and pain.

My daughter had spinal-cord surgery in March. This was quite an ordeal for her to go through and then recover from. The pain from any surgery is hard, but spinal cord surgery is especially hard. I am a tender-hearted Mom that experiences all the trials and hardships my children endure right along with them. The story of how we found a qualified surgeon was our family's miracle. Our daughter had searched for a neurosurgeon for severals months without success, all the while enduring intense back and neck pain with numbness in her legs. Month after month appointments were made and re-scheduled, and then when she did get to see a doctor, she was referred to another physician. As my husband and I walked this road with her, we realized that we would have to start looking outside our immediate area for help. Then SUDDENLY God answered our prayers thru a business acquaintance of my husband. God does seem to perform his SUDDENLY miracles just in the nick of time. My husband had a meeting with this gentlemen, a concerned businessman friend, who asked about our daughter. When he heard how long we had been searching for a doctor to treat her, he pulled up his mobile phone and dialed a number. He told my husband that he had a friend from church who "just happened" to be a neurosurgeon. Once he had this doctor on the phone he handed my husband the phone. "Hello"..."Yes we are in a crisis situation"..."Yes, I will have her at your office in the AM. Thank you! Upon examining our daughter, he was quick to see how easily she could be permanently disabled if surgery didn't happen ASAP. Within a few days of the consultation with him, our daughter was on the operating table! Praise God!

Shortly after returning home from the hospital with daughter #1, we are told that daughter #2 and her husband are divorcing after only 2 years of marriage. They have 1child who is 18 months old. Granted their marriage was not ideal, but this was still a shock. We prayed for them and grandbaby, and have been here to help, but it wasn't enough. The reality is that even though we pray and love them, we cannot make them make good choices and work at staying together. A house divided cannot stand.

I was thinking on the way home from work about how I wish I could keep my heart calm when my children are going through hard times or making bad decisions. I am pretty good at faking it on the outside, but inside my heart breaks. I have trouble focusing on the simplest of tasks and find that my calm spirit gives way to tears and sometimes even anger at such a loss. You see, I have been through a divorce nearly 16 years ago, and it carries with it tremendous heartbreak and dysfunction. It takes years to get over the demise of a marriage and divorce leaves some heavy baggage that you can drag around for a lifetime unless you fight against it.

There is more drama going on as well, but I prefer to keep those things more private for the sake of those involved. Our family has been through a lot of tough times in years past, but we always come through every trial stronger. My mother once told me that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I sure hope she is right! I should be 10 feet tall and bullet proof by now! :-)

Our family is as close as it has ever been. We are pulling together and helping each other get through the ups and downs of life looking forward to the peace that passes all understanding that only God can provide.

Life took an unexpected turn!

2009-12-26T11:27:00.003-06:00

November 19th of this year, I was going through a normal day when I fell down the stairs at home and broke my right wrist. And according to my surgeon, a very nasty break! So, I have been healing since then and still typing with my left hand. Ouch!

Whenever I have been presented a set of negative circumstances, it may take me a while, but I eventually learn something and this time is no different. Through this event, I learned what it's like to be dependent on others (mostly my husband) to do the most basic of daily hygiene tasks (some humiliating), and of hurting so bad you feel like screaming and occasionally I did. I felt the frustration of not being able to do what I wanted when I wanted to do it, of not getting to go to Christmas parties or to the salon because I hurt too bad. I also learned how much my husband and family loves me! That put up with me!

Today I am only a couple weeks away from being able to do the dishes again, or wipe off a counter top. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I am somewhat of a clean freak and to see dirty dishes in the kitchen sink when I can't do anything about it has driven me nutty! Today I had a breakthrough. I hung up my own clothes! The sheer weight of placing a garment on a hanger was impossible 1 week ago. I had at least a dozen sets of garments on the floor of my closet! I did it this morning! Yeah! I also used my right hand to wash my face! Oh how good that felt. Another positive from this accident is that I can do so much more with my left hand than ever before....I may even try to become ambidextrous! I am still working on holding a spoon or fork with my right hand, and a host of other things, but just being able to see light at the end of the tunnel is so encouraging I feel like dancing a jig!

The next time I see someone in a wheelchair, or in a sling, or without all their limbs, I will be able to relate just a little bit better. I am very blessed in that my injury is healing and I had a great surgeon who did a wonderful job on placing plates and screws where they needed to be so I can return to a normal life. Many people are not so fortunate. Thank you God for this lesson.

It's A Love Revolution - Baby!

2009-09-20T13:15:00.003-05:00

I just returned from a women's conference in St. Louis where more than 10,000 women gathered to join hands and hearts to worship God, enjoy fellowship, and hear what we needed to hear. And that something was to let go of selfishness (what about me) and start a revolution of love in our homes, our neighborhoods, our communities and even more so to those who are enduring the rejection and pain of abuse, human traffic-ing, and starvation. We can no longer turn our backs on those that don't fit into our self-proclaimed molds.

God calls us to eagerly pursue love, but it took me along time to understand what love really is. That was because I didn't love myself until I was well into my adult years.....middle years. That was when I finally got it!!!!! Love was not a feeling, but a verb. Love is a thing of action. The passion to do something for someone else because I chose to. Not because that person deserved it, but because I had received real love from and acceptance from Jesus Christ. I had tried to earn love from doing good things, but my heart was still closed off. Why? because I wasn't perfect and I never felt worthy of being loved.

Two broken marriages later and years on my knees praying for God's help, He spoke to my heart and I understood. God had opened my eyes to what real love is. It is accepting someone as they are and reaching out to them with comfort, help in their trials and friendship. I no longer expected my family to measure up to my sense of perfection. I let go of all my religion and put on love (an act of my will) and out of that love I began to give. I gave money at first, because it was easy. But then as time went on, I discovered that people need to be loved much more than they need money. Oh, I still give money sacrifically to the causes I think God would want me to. But, I also give my time and my talents (we all have some)to help someone else. This was a real life changer. A miracle of peace and purpose came to me.

For many years now, I continue to experience peace and happiness! A sense of purpose fills my heart everyday. My purpose is to love God and love others by offering help to someone, encourage someone, and be a friend to someone everyday day. This includes family! Hubby is first, then kids, then parents, etc. etc.

Here's a RX in lieu of medication, when I wake up with a blue mood, I find a need in someone else's life and fill it. Once I complete this little RX, my blue mood disappears. Imagine that!

Think about this....If the greatest thing in the world is love, and if everyone in the world would concentrate on loving people, then wouldn't the problems of this world disappear? We can make a difference, one person at a time.

Reference: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Time Marches On

2009-08-25T18:44:00.005-05:00

Hubby and I will celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary on September 1st. We are still very much in love, but as time has gone on we have discovered new levels to our love that surpasses physical attraction and the mystic of getting to know each other some 14 years ago.
Love takes on various forms and we are very fortunate in that we truly like each other. A real bonus I think because we are the closest of friends and love to travel and entertain family and friends. Our family is so important to us both and we make family gatherings a real priority. We both enjoy the PBR (Professional Bull Riding), NASCAR, Colorado, Horse pulls at the State Fair, singing worship songs, and dancing. Dancing is how we met. Hubby was the teacher and I was the student. I was completely infatuated with his ability to glide me across a dance floor while smiling down at me the whole time. Our song is Keeper of the Stars by Tracy Byrd. We even named our ski boat "Keeper of the Stars".
God blessed me with hubbyman 14 years ago when I really needed a friend. I was a single mother struggling with starting life a new. When we were dating he fixed every broken appliance in my house (he was really working to impress me ;-), and played video games with my son. He sent me flowers every Friday even though he couldn't afford it. Yep, he swept me off my feet.
Honey, this is my tribute to you...the song, our song, that you used to sing to me while we danced. Happy Anniversary Sweetheart!

Keeper of the Stars by Tracy Byrd

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew
Now I just can't believe you're in my life
Heaven's smilin' down on me
As I look at you tonight

I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

Soft moonlight on your face oh how you shine
It takes my breath away
Just to look into your eyes
I know I don't deserve a treasure like you
There really are no words
To show my gratitude

So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew

Growing old ain't for Sissies

2009-07-25T15:02:00.008-05:00

Growing old ain't for sissies was the very recent conversation I had with my Mom and Daddy (pictured above) as we prepared for my Mom's his replacement surgery which took place this week. There was some anxiety about the pain she would go through and other health issues which would complicate her recovery. The decision to go ahead with this surgery was a tough one. It took many months for Mom to decide to go through with it and she nearly backed out more than once. She had already been through a hip replacement and has arthritis in both knees and her lower back. She has been in constant pain for a few years now causing her to live in the very small world of their home, unable to do the things she loves like flower tending, playing the piano, going out to dinner with friends. Yes, growing old isn't for sissies.

I was born when my mother was 19 and my Daddy was 23. That's their wedding day picture above. They looked forward to lives together and building a family of their own. They were married August 15, 1952. I came 2 years later while Daddy was in the Army (Korean War) and we lived in an attic appartment. Daddy brought me home in his Jaguar! They weren't rich, but Daddy loved cars and could rebuild engines, so he had a cool car as a young man. My mother was very beautiful, smart (honor roll in high school) and the life of every party. Our home was always filled with activity. Her friends would stop by for a visit (people did that a lot back then) and I loved to hang out with the adults who came to visit, sitting in a quiet corner of the room to hear their conversations.

When my mother was a young teen, she taught her self to play piano. She lived on a farm in the middle of Kansas and there was a barn dance every weekend. They needed a piano player so she learned. She could play honky-tonk Hank Williams music to Floyd Cramer's Last Date. She could sing beautiful harmony and write gospel songs. Truly a talented lady. As I was growing up she made every holiday special because she loved them so much. We celebrated the typical ones in the traditional way, but Mom also celebrated ALL the other smaller holidays like Valentine's Day and Saint Patrick's by decorating our home with home-made decorations and table arrangements adorning the dining and coffee table. And don't forget the homemade cookies and desserts! Mom loved to make her family treats for every season. We were her life!

I enjoy remembering my mother like she once was, because it is so hard to see her go through the pain of severe osteo-arthritis which has crippled her so much that she can't participate in the family gatherings and activities like she once did. This chronic pain has brought long bouts of depression and hopelessness to her. I miss the Momma I once knew when I was young, but more than that, I hate seeing her suffer. The body isn't built to last forever, but thankfully, through Christ, our spirits are. Thank you God for the blessed hope that in eternity there will be no more pain or sorrow.

Forever Friends

2009-07-11T14:40:00.003-05:00

I recently was reunited with a couple of "forever friends" I had not seen in a decade plus. The joy of having these girlfriend-sisters in my life so many years ago has never been matched since. We served together in church ministry back in the 1980's and early 90's and shared so much through that work and in our personal lives, that when a new life course began in my life took me away from them, it left a whole the size of Texas that I continued to feel until recently. Thanks to Facebook, I was discovered through the proactive persistence of one, which caused me to look for the other. Within 48 hours, I was reunited with my dear friends. All three of us have experienced some BIG heartaches in the past 15 years, but no matter what, I still love these two women like sisters. Let me encourage whoever reads this post to look up the dear friends you have lost touch with. You may be surprised to find them missing you too and living in your corner of the world. Find them, have lunch, catch-up and reunite. I have a cheerful feeling down deep in my soul that makes me smile.

The Power of Influence

2009-06-20T09:24:00.005-05:00

Let me tell you about my friend Emily. She is 80 years young this month and full of life. She is a writer of music and poems, an artist, and a musician who also teaches and plays keyboard in our church. Most importantly, she has a light surrounding her face that draws you to her and makes her an absolute joy to be around.

I met Emily a couple of years ago when my husband and I changed churches(big one to small one)and we were intrigued by her because she was playing keyboard with a church band (guitars and drums and singers) and their music was contemporary. I thought to myself, "I want to get to know her". "She has to be a very interesting person". Many months later, I joined the Praise Team and got to know Miss Emily, as she is so fondly referred to in our church. I found her to be very encouraging and extremely flexible. She could keep a smile even when the music leader wants her to transpose a song during rehearsal or change the tempo. This kind of stuff would send a lot of musicians out the door. But not Miss Emily. Anyway, I had not sang in church or in any public forum in many years and was a little nervous at the first few rehearsals. Emily told me that I had a pretty voice and she wanted to hear me sing more. That was a word I needed to hear. Because of her encouragement I continued to sing.

I also observed Emily in other ministry settings and noticed how well she related and encouraged everyone who was in her path. I could she how much she loves God and therefore loves everyone else making her the most precious person I have met in a long time. More time passed and the Women's Ministry asked me to help start a mentoring program. Through many weeks of study/training with a group of 11 women, I got to know Emily even deeper and asked her to be my mentor. Her response was priceless. She said "What for?". I chuckled to myself and thought, "I wish I was so humble". I shared with Emily that I needed her to share with me her secret. "What secret", she said with a puzzled look on her face. I told her that with all she has to do in a day (a wife, church web-master, keyboard player, piano teacher, and managing the church prayer chain, how does she still find time for her painting and writing? Her energy is amazing. But to be honest, I just wanted her influence in my life. She agreed to mentor me and we have grown to be very dear friends.

We had lunch yesterday to celebrate her 80th birthday (June 16th was the day), and I saw my opportunity to share with Emily what I have learned from her.
#1) Never let go of your inner child.
#2) Believe the best in people even when they let you down.
We got interrupted by an over-zealous waiter so I didn't get to finish, so here are the other 3 key learning's.
#3) Serve others and you will always have joy - even in the hard times.
#4) Take risks. Use your talents and skills to bless others. Stop thinking "I am not good enough". I need that lesson cause I lean toward the perfectest side....eek.
#5) Have a creative outlet and make time for it. God gave you talents and even if He is your only audience....well, that is why you were given the talent to begin with. To give it back to Him.

Thank you Miss Emily! You are a treasure and I love you dearly! Happy Birthday and may God grant you many more.

Relevent in the Real World

2009-06-19T15:42:00.006-05:00

I experienced what true relevence is recently while on a business trip to Houston. As part of our annual "team-building" event, our group of about 100 people, were instructed to play a game of grocery scavenger hunt. We received a list of items which were each given so many points, were told we had to spend exactly $500, and get the most points to win a prize. We are a group of salespeople....so we know how to compete to win. We were assigned teams of 6-8 and were handed a newspaper filled with coupons, the cash, and the point list. We were dropped of at a local Kroger and the game began. Oh yea, we had to get the job done in less than an hour. Whew.

My team finished in 50 mins, spent $498. and had accumulated a huge amount of points because we were excellent shoppers, or so I thought. The competition was stronger than us and we did not win. HOWEVER, the blessing we received from our hard work meant more to us than winning the event and the prize! Allow me to describe:
We hauled about 5 grocery carts of food and staples to the second floor of the Double Tree Hotel in downtown Houston and were assigned a table where we placed our goods and the receipt for our work. Out General Manager then got everyone's attention (keep in mind there are at least 10 teams of 6-8). He shared with us that this exercise was to provide food for charity...we figured that out.....but guess what? Our purchases were for specific families of single-mom households that had been chosen by the local chapter of Big Brothers and Big Sisters, AND these families were at the hotel AND we would get to meet them and their children and bless them with our $500. worth of food. Oh my goodness, we couldn't have prepared ourselves for the blessing we were about to receive. One by one each Mom and her children came in holding posters they had decorated for us, identifying themselves via our team name. The children ran over to the tables and squealed with delight at all the food. At first they didn't know why they were invited to this event, but when we told them that this food was theirs to take come, well, they squealed and cried. A 12 yr old grabbed her Momma's hand and said "Now I can have a birthday Mommy". You see, they had no food at home and no where to get money from to buy any. The food stamps ran out and because Mom had been busy working, she didn't get the paper filled out to get the renewal. It had already been 3 weeks. So the little 12yr old didn't get a birthday of anykind and not much food to eat either for nearly 3 weeks. We visited with her Mom and she said she had just got a new job as a laundry lady for a nursing home and she almost didn't get to come tonight. She is so excited about this job because it is the best job she has ever had. Then she began to cry, saying "thank you so much", and I saw her bow her head and thank God as well. Then several of the men began opening up their wallets and giving these Mom's some cash to help out with other needs. Lots of tears were flowing by all.

I went away with a new vision of what relevence really means. I asked myself, what am I doing to make someone else's life better? Someone I do not know. Yes, I give regularly to my church and to various charities, but I want to do more. We all must do more. We have to get out of our church buildings and be Jesus to people without judging them and their mistakes. (More on that subject in a later post.) Let's get our hands dirty and do what we need to be doing to help someone who cannot help themselves. It's more than writing and sending a check. It's doing the work as well. A good question to ask yourself is, "How many people do I know outside my group of church friends". Is the answer is none, get out and get involved. At the very least, contact your local non-profits and volunteer. It will change your life!

Compass of Life - The Importance of Core Values

2009-03-21T09:36:00.014-05:00

The world we live in is chaotic, full of fear, and filled with distractions and frustrations. If you allow yourself to get caught up in it, you are doomed to be afraid to the point of making stupid decisions, depressed because you have no hope for change, and unfulfilled because happiness cannot be bought.

I recently went through a trial that led me down to a darkened basement corner where depression, fear and frustration started to tip-toe their way in the recesses of my mind. A mental stronghold was trying to grab me by the neck, hoping to stop me from following through on what I knew was the right course of action for my life.

To explain a little further, I had been praying for God's help in making a possible life change that would free up more time to pursue a ministry opportunity I felt He had for me. Within that ministry opportunity lies my passion for music and creative writing. When I make the time to pursue these things I find great pleasure and fulfillment which I believe are a good sign that these are talents I have been given are to be used for a purpose. As I went through the process of making a life change, unexpected events occurred, and I became very scared that perhaps I was making a mistake or could even make matter worse by following through. I called on a few close friends to pray for me. It was then that I began to ask myself some important questions and out of these questions I found my compass which led me through this dark time and helped me to stay true to my values no matter what happened.
My compass values are:
1) Keep God 1st - Be obedient to His Word, having faith that He is in control of my life and trusting Him to take care of me. (this is hard...but necessary for peace).
2) Do the right thing - through honesty, humility and integrity.
3) Treat others with respect and dignity (whether or not they deserve it...who among us does?)
4) Be merciful and compassionate to others, especially when I feel I am mistreated or misunderstood. No one is perfect and that includes me.
5) Forgive quickly! Do not repay the evil done to me. God will take care of it.

Without these values (my spiritual compass), I cannot find my way out of darkness and fear. It isn't just knowing what the right thing to do is (most of us do), it is doing the right thing. Knowing doesn't equal doing. Be a doer and not just a hearer only.

By the way, the fearful circumstance I spoke of (above) turned out all right and proved to be a good thing for me. I grew in my character and witnessed the hand of God as He was involved in these circumstances and their outcome. And that is the most important thing.

Divine Intersections

2009-02-08T14:52:00.006-06:00

My definition of a divine intersection is a event that has been engineered beforehand by God where your life and the life of another crosses and you both come away changed. This change can be in your heart, or in the path your life is on, but I believe that the greatest divine intersection is not what helps you or me, but what helps another.
I recently experienced a series of divine intersections while traveling on business. For the sake of brevity, I will only share my favorite. It seemed like a normal work day for me in Memphis. It has been a very long day and I was missing my husband so much. I was headed back to my hotel room after supper that evening and looking forward to reading my book and going to sleep. I stood in the hotel lobby waiting on the elevator, trying to be patient, as the elevator was particularly slow that night. I stay in this hotel frequently so I know when things do not go as normal and I thought to myself, "Good grief this thing is slow tonight". Finally the elvator door opened, I got on, pushed the button to go up, and then a man who appeared to be quite troubled in his spirit got on with me. I said "How are you this evening?" This man (probably in his 30's) shared that his little girl was very sick and would I please pray for her? I asked him for her name which he quickly gave me, and then I began to pray out loud for his little girl as the elevator door opened and kept praying as those doors closed. I knew I would never see him again. When I had finished my prayer I said to God "You are amazing!". I was waiting on a late elevator so God could place me and this man together so that I could pray for his little girl and bring this young father a cup of comfort. Amazing! The other amazing thing was I was a complete stranger to this man and still he asked me to pray for his dear one. How could he have known I was a Christian or had any faith at all? I don't wear a cross or label pin giving any hints to the fact that I love Jesus. I sure do hope and pray it was my countenance and not just his desparation that caused him to reach out to me.
The purpose for sharing this experience is that you and I never know when or where those divine intersections will come, and because we don't know what each day holds, we need to stay ready to offer assistance to whomever asks. My friends, we are all born from the same Creator God and His very nature is of compassion and mercy. Ours should be as well.

Good Advise for the New Year

2009-01-04T16:29:00.005-06:00

A friend sent me this list today and I want to share it with you. Perhaps you already live this list and as a result have a fantastic life, but the Lord has been working with me on several of these for the past few years. I don't do them all regularly, but I have improved greatly on Nbr. 11. I believe that Nbr. 9 is my biggest challenge currently.....pacing myself. I have so many interests and things I want to accomplish before I leave this world that sometimes I take on too many things at the same time. In 2009 I have already decided what I will focus on and what will have to wait. I am learning how to prioritize and simplify my life. Less truly is more.

Here is the list my friend sent me:

1. Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and un-clutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time and pray about everything.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry an inspirational book and/or the Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand..
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus .'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.
'If God is for us, who can be against us?'

(Romans 8:31)

Live in the Moment

2008-12-20T09:59:00.003-06:00

Twice this week I heard these words or read them: Live in the Moment. This is a skill I have struggled learning most of my adult life. By nature I am a planner and organizer, and I live by the calendar. I am typically looking in the future toward a goal I want to accomplish or that must be accomplished because of my career. I plan family celebrations and get togethers with friends. Most of the time my planning serves me well. The fruit of these labors are evident in my life. I have a successful career, a beautiful home, a close family, good friends....I live the American dream. All of this is a result of working a plan and a purpose and staying focused on the objective.
HOWEVER, a good life should be a balanced life, and it is equally important, I believe, to enjoy everyday life. It was my husband who role-modeled how to live in the moment (i.e. enjoy everyday life). He showed me how to slow down and take time to enjoy a sunset, a full moon, watching birds soaring above our house, squirrels preparing for winter, hummingbirds flying on our deck in search of their feeder, and sitting by a campfire to just watch the flame (no words have to be spoken). He also taught me the art of taking a walk without an agenda. To talk about anything that comes to mind or nothing at all. To just "be". My husband showed me how to turn off the outside world's noise, unplug, and listen to nature, to people and their concerns, to share experiences, to stop and give a hug or a kind word, and finally to love everyday life. I am reminded of something said in a sermon that impacted me and helped me to re-focus. This person said - we are human-BEINGS, not human-DOINGs. Let's stop doing something all the time and just enjoy being. Take some time this Christmas to stop, be quiet, and enjoy just BEING alive. Merry Christmas!

A Time to Heal

2008-12-13T11:05:00.003-06:00

I have learned that emotional healing is a choice just like choosing happiness over sadness; positive thoughts over negative ones. This type of inner healing is a conscious decision to be made.
I recently made a choice to heal my heart from some serious hurts and wounds. They were fiery darts/daggers piercing my heart, thrown by someone who was also was hurting. Let me interject here that hurting people hurt people. It has taken me nearly a year to get this event behind me. You see, I believed their words and the downward spiral of self-hatred began. It was a debilitating seed planted in my consciousness. So much so that I dreamed about it almost every night. I forgave everyone involved except myself. Finally, my husband and youngest daughter told me point-blank, your emotional healing will not come until you forgive yourself for not being perfect. They asked me why I wouldn't take the forgiveness God gives to all humanity for myself. It was then that I finally saw how right they were. So I made the decision to take God's mercy and receive it for myself. The next part of the healing process was to let go of the past and move on. I didn't realize how tightly I was holding on to something that happening 30 plus years ago! Such heartbreak for a young woman of 19-20 years of age in the 70's. I cut myself some slack as I had done to those throwing the darts. I was a kid when all of this heartache transpired.
Now, I have come to see that God allowed this buried pain to bubble up and re-surface from the deep so I could be healed and be free from it forever. To get the job done I had to be willing to let it go...to let that darkness be replaced by the Light.
To whoever might be reading this today, I say to you, if you have any hurts buried in your heart and you haven't been able to get past the pain, I encourage you to purge that rotten thing out of your heart, turn away from it, move in a new direction toward a bright future and receive total freedom so you can live your life in peace. You can't do it alone. It will take God's help.

Gratitude Brings Peace

2008-11-24T19:09:00.007-06:00

As the week of Thanksgiving begins, I made a conscious decision this morning to think about what I am truly thankful for. I have been suffering through some "blues" lately and an attitude of gratitude is the best and possibly only anecdote. It is my sad confession that I haven't been thinking about what I do have, but what I don't have (cup full vs. cup empty) and that level of thinking will always take you into the pit! So, my dear Lord, please forgive me for allowing my emotions to get the better of me.
Here is my Top 5 of things to be thankful for:

1 - Thank you God for your son Jesus and for not judging me based only on my actions, but on my heart.

2 - For my husband, who helped me raise my 2 children, from a previous marriage, which was no easy task. They were 11 and 12 years of age at the time of our marriage and put him through the ringer. He is a man of real courage! Because of his perseverance, we are a close family today. He never gave up on being a family. He earned their trust by showing them a great deal of love and concern for not only me, but for them.

3 - I am thankful for my children who all adults now. They are each very different in personality and bring different perspectives about life. I cherish each of them. They have taught me so much about what real love is and helped me to grow up into a mother they could be proud of, or so they say. They make life so much richer just by knowing them and watching them grow to be the adults God made them to be. I am the person I am today because of their unconditional love.

4 - My parents - I am blessed to have praying parents. My Mom told me about the love of God and about the Bible. They taught me right from wrong; showed me how to love others and reach out to those who need help; and most of all Mom and Dad showed me what commitment is. They have been married for 52 years!

5 - Friends and Relatives - Their friendships enrich my life and make me want to be a better person. I also am so thankful that when I was a child, my parents had friends that were good role models. I never saw or experienced physical abuse or parents with addictions. I had a good start in life. Thank you Mom and Daddy. I also must include my Aunt Betty. She got a hold of me when I was 16 years old and through her acts of kindness and love I am a true lover of God. That is a story for another day.

I challenge you to make a Top 5 list of your own. It will change your attitude like it did mine. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Mistakes and Misunderstanding

2008-11-19T17:34:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a week in your life when you feel like you've been hit by a Mack truck? A time when poor decisions made in your (long ago)past come back to rear their ugly heads and say "gotcha"? Oh, the bucket load of guilt and the mind games of "if only" or "why God why?". They are wasted energy! If you have experienced these types of emotions, then you understand the level of exhaustion that comes with roller coaster emotions from such a thought pattern. That is where I am tonight. Ugh! Yep, I am a member of the human race all right. We make our plans and our mistakes only to reap the fruit of them. Thankfully, not all of my life has been filled with miss-steps and poor judgment, but when I was a young woman I could make some real life-altering mistakes. I am still reaping the bad fruit from some of them.

Without going into the sordid details and with that being said, there is hope! Yes indeed. Thank the Good Lord. God gives us forgiveness when we are truly sorry and tell Him so, and He gives us the power to forgive others who acted rashly and hurt us as well. The really hard part I have learned is to forgive myself! I absolutely hate to hurt anyone. I just die inside at the thought of causing another person pain, so when I find out that I have hurt someone, I cry a river full to tears and try to make amends. But what do I do when the person I hurt refuses to forgive me? What do I do now? Do I live my life feeling guilty that such a misunderstanding occurred? Is that what God wants me to do? Absolutely not! As I cried my river full of tears recently, knowing that a relationship has been lost, possibly forever, I remembered a favorite scripture I learned long ago. I believe this is what God wants us to do when faced with a past you want to forget. After you pray and receive His forgiveness and have done your best to repair the damage done, God says: Forgetting the past (what lies behind) and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain (work at with God's help) to reach the end of my race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling me up to heaven. Philippians 3:13-14 (New Living Bible, paraphrased).

Survivor or an Overcomer

2008-11-14T18:21:00.000-06:00

My youngest daughter complemented me the other day. A mother can only be so blessed. She was asked to describe me to a new friend and she chose the word overcomer. I had thought of myself as a survivor; survivor of divorce, survivor of a still-born baby girl, survivor of a house-fire, a survivor of rejection etc. etc. We all have our lists. After receiving such a complement I was taken back and found myself at a loss for words. I did say "thank you", but not much else.

When I returned home from our visit, I decided to meditate on this word and here is what I discovered. Webster's dictionary defines a survivor as one who still exists in spite of some unfortunate circumstance. The picture that comes to my mind is someone who grits their teeth and just bears something to get through it. They survive the thing, but that is all. You've heard of the saying "survived by the skin of their teeth". Well, that is what they meant. They survived the thing, but that alone was their victory. You might think, and what's wrong with that! Nothing.

Webster defines an overcomer as someone who masters, prevails over, surmounts something. This makes me think of someone like Lance Armstrong who overcame cancer to win the Tour DeFrance! Or someone who overcame poverty to become a doctor, or overcame a serious injury to become an athelete. Individuals who are known as overcomers seem to be those people who don't let negative circumstances sour their attitude toward life. When kicked in the gut or knocked to the floor by circumstances, they dust themselves off, get back up, and keep on pressing on toward their goals. My dear daughter gave me a complement that I may not deserve, because many times I survive by the skin of my teeth without much else. I am grateful to have such a daughter who looks up to me and sees only the best in her Mom. I am also grateful to her for causing me to obtain a clearer understanding of the difference between survivors and overcomers. I want to be an overcomer! If not for myself, definately for her!

The Peace of Autumn

2008-11-02T09:12:00.001-06:00

It seems to me that autumn is a very unique season. It has differing hues and smells depending upon where you live. Where I live it shows itself as crisp and cool; golden and peaceful. My favorite activity in autumn is to sit outside by a warm campfire in the woods and watch the animals as they prepare for winter, view the very blue sky and listen to the wisp of gentle winds through the trees. I can sit quietly for a long time observing the season change and being so grateful that I am alive to experience it. I love this season!

Running a Marathon

2008-11-01T10:54:00.000-05:00

Using the example of a marathon runner has always helped me understand how a successful life is created. A marathon is filled with challenges in route to the finish line such as rocks to trip over, pot-holes to step into, steep inclines to climb over, and the "nineteenth mile" to push through. To complete a marathon you will need, not only physical stamina and strength, but also the mental determination to cross that finish line no matter how much it hurts and what tricks your mind is playing on you. There is a lot of pain and adversity for sure, but marathon runners train for it. They get a coach to show them how it's done, and then bond to other runners for encouragement and support. You and I will create a successful life similarly to these runners.
1) Have a goal
You and I cannot get anywhere unless we know where we are going. Ask yourself "What do I want to do with my life"? Really think about it. Don't just say something vague like I want to me a good mom, or a good wife, or a successful business woman. Be specific. I have used short-term goals (1-2 years to completion) and then mid-term goals (3-5 years to completion) and finally long-term goals (6-15 years).
2) Make a plan
Write down the steps you will need to take to reach your goal. Do not make the mistake of thinking "I can make a mental note. I don't need to write them down". It is so easy for us to get distracted. In fact, I post my hand-written list on a bulletin board I frequently look at.
3) Align yourself with women who are encourager's.
We become like the people we hang out with. Don't think otherwise. You can't maintain close friendships with people who are negative and complaining and expect to get encouraged or have your goals supported. It won't happen. Wy? Because unhappy people only like unhappy people and if you are happy, they will work at getting you to join them in being unhappy too! Anyway, one of these encouraging women (possibly a new friend or someone you have not been close to before) will most likely end up being your coach. Some call them mentors, but typically they are women who are givers and want to help you get to your goal. They have arrived at some goals they set for themselves so they know how it's done. Don't be afraid to ask them for help. Encourager's and giver's love to help others.
4) Begin with the end in mind.
Stay focused or you can get derailed just like a train whose engineer took his eyes of the track. I know this first hand. I have been derailed more than once by well-meaning friends, activities, and even myself! Keep your eyes on the prize ladies! Keep moving forward!
5) Be prepared for obstacles.
Do not think for a minute that you can just float through to the finish line. This Polly-Anna thinking that everything will always go your way and everyone is on your side is setting yourself up for failure. You must press through every challenge (rocks, pot-holes, steep inclines).
6) Finally, Keep a good attitude.
This is absolutely key for any life to be successful. I use positive books, pod casts, music, prayer and mediation to keep me up-beat. My family can always tell when I haven't been feeding my soul with positive thoughts and influences. What you believe in your heart will come out of your mouth, your body, and your actions. You simple cannot and will not be happy or reach your goal successfully without a positive attitude. One of my favorite authors says "Life depends on 10% of what happens to you and 90% on how you respond to it".

What's this all about?

2008-11-01T09:37:00.000-05:00

This blog is my attempt to be an encouragement to all women who want to find peace, joy, and fullfillment on this big planet we call Earth. A big task I know, and since it is impossible to lead anyone to a place where you are not, I can honestly say I have found peace, joy, fullfillment and power in my own life after decades of searching. I believe it is important to let women know that it is possible to live with these attributes inside us no matter what life's circumstances are on the outside. So, please let me begin by welcoming you to a place of caring and sharing. The only thing I ask of those who will comment on my posts is that you be respectful to me as a human being. If you're views are different than my own, that's okay, and I am prepared to discuss differences with dignity and respect. My hope is that this blog will become part of your regular reading. Especially when you need a boost in morale, encourage to keep on keeping on, or simply to know that there is someone in this world who does care and has lived through a lot of tough times, made stupid decisions and smart ones, and is compassionate to the issues women face in today's world. Welcome!