A cup of warm tea and a friend to talk to is the best medicine for all the pain and grief this world can throw my way. Peace has returned to me soul today. After weeks of fear and confusion caused by my child's illness, it is now well with my soul. There is no explanation for this feeling except that God has answered the prayers of all my family and friends and my own pleas for relief. Trust in God drives out the spirit of fear. I have known this for many years and have had many opportunities to choose to trust God, but fear won out. This time is different. Why? I finally came to understand that I am not in control of most of the circumstances around me. When I make good choices for myself I am in control of me, but that is because they are my decisions. Now I am presented with a loved one whose decisions I am not and cannot be in control of and must step back. Jesus take the wheel. This is my first step to getting my life back which will help me to be a better wife, mother, daughter, and friend. I cannot fix this illness and I have no answers as to why or what caused this illness to come about. I am finally past the extreme sadness and have moved toward acceptance. In addition to answered prayer, all of this progress was made possible by the love and care from my husband, and some very special friend's who allowed me to vent, offered a smile, a hug with a huge cup of acceptance. I am blessed with such friends. They are Jesus' arms wrapping around me allowing me to heal so I can place my arm's around my daughter and help her to feel God's love and acceptance.
I have learned a lot recently about BPD (borderline personality disorder). I have learned that it's symptoms come and go. I have learned that medication and therapy will be a life-long need and that my loved one will need the love and support of family to have a normal-like life. It was recommended by her therapist that she seek SSI disability because working full-time is not sustainable. The predominant symptoms differ from person to person. My daughter's symptom's involve anger, paranoia (people approval is very important), and fear of being alone. The anger is what she has asked me to look for and will need to take her to the ER if this behavior gets out of hand.. I pray that her husband can handle this illness and that he gets the support he needs as well or he will suffer caregiver burnout.
God I trust You. I trust You because You have proven Yourself over and over again. You have been with me during great loss and gave me the courage to keep going. You have blessed me with love that I do not deserve. I trust You because I believe You are who the Bible says You are and that is by faith. I give you my life and I take my hands off because I just don't have all it takes to make it without Your Divine help. I need Your wisdom, Your strength, and the discernment to make good decisions. Thank you. Amen.
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