Releasing control to God

Mental illness is not something I am familiar with.  But it has come to my family and I must admit I have stumbled and dropped to the floor in so much agony I thought my heart would burst my chest open. My family is experiencing possible the most painful time we have ever been through.  One of our children has been diagnosed with a very serious mental illness. The magnitude of this illness has a ripple affect across our entire family.  First because of the shock and then because it has manifested itself and taken over our loved ones life.  I am learning that the only way to get through it and to be supportive while they undergo intense therapy is to let go.  Letting go of my children is the hardest thing this parent will ever do.  For someone like me who tends to error on the co-dependent side, letting go and not rescuing my child is sheer torture.  At first I wanted to hide out and not talk about it too much and stuff it and deal with it like some kind of tough guy.  I found out after a couple of months that my body cannot handle that much pressure.  So after a trip to the ER and medical leave from work I have decided to let go and allow God to teach me what I need to learn about myself through all this.  I cannot help my child.  Only professionals can help.  I have also decided not to hide it.  But I will reach out to trusted friends for understanding and comfort.  I will allow myself to have some fun with my husband as I pray and trust God to work healing His way in the life of my child.  I will journal my learning's here.  Perhaps someone will come across this blog and find encouragement for their loved one through my honesty about a very real and debilitating illness called Borderline Personality Disorder.