Flowers and a Soul Vacation Day

I felt the dirt under my fingernails as I potted the remaining flowers on my back deck. The dirt was warm and a little dry as the heat reached around 90 degrees. The fierce heat causing the flowers such stress they wilted easily. But when the cool, refreshing water was poured over them, their stalks stood back up and the leaves opened to receive the cool refreshment. Watching this I was reminded of how parched and dry I get when the heat of trouble comes. It stresses me and gives me chest pain as the anxiety bubbles up from within. However, this stress and strain also causes me to appreciate the refreshing Living Water I receive when I run to God's Word.
My dryness comes when the anxious worry over takes me and instead of running to God for direction and comfort, I run through all the possible scenerios that a present trouble could bring. Foolishness!

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

There are many things I cannot change. I can't change the weather, but God can; I can't change someone who is hell-bent on destroying their life, but God can; I cannot control what other people do or say and God choses not to, but I can control myself. How? Through submission to God and what He would have me do or say causing me to manage my emotions correctly.

Submit to God - Stand firm in Faith - and the devil will flee. I declare my soul is on vacation as I turn over control to God for the things I cannot do anything about. BTW - that's about everything.

Drawing closer in Troubled Times

It has been months since I posted in large part due to my broken wrist which greatly impaired my ability to type. But also, because my family has been going through some serious events, trials, and pain.

My daughter had spinal-cord surgery in March. This was quite an ordeal for her to go through and then recover from. The pain from any surgery is hard, but spinal cord surgery is especially hard. I am a tender-hearted Mom that experiences all the trials and hardships my children endure right along with them. The story of how we found a qualified surgeon was our family's miracle. Our daughter had searched for a neurosurgeon for severals months without success, all the while enduring intense back and neck pain with numbness in her legs. Month after month appointments were made and re-scheduled, and then when she did get to see a doctor, she was referred to another physician. As my husband and I walked this road with her, we realized that we would have to start looking outside our immediate area for help. Then SUDDENLY God answered our prayers thru a business acquaintance of my husband. God does seem to perform his SUDDENLY miracles just in the nick of time. My husband had a meeting with this gentlemen, a concerned businessman friend, who asked about our daughter. When he heard how long we had been searching for a doctor to treat her, he pulled up his mobile phone and dialed a number. He told my husband that he had a friend from church who "just happened" to be a neurosurgeon. Once he had this doctor on the phone he handed my husband the phone. "Hello"..."Yes we are in a crisis situation"..."Yes, I will have her at your office in the AM. Thank you! Upon examining our daughter, he was quick to see how easily she could be permanently disabled if surgery didn't happen ASAP. Within a few days of the consultation with him, our daughter was on the operating table! Praise God!

Shortly after returning home from the hospital with daughter #1, we are told that daughter #2 and her husband are divorcing after only 2 years of marriage. They have 1child who is 18 months old. Granted their marriage was not ideal, but this was still a shock. We prayed for them and grandbaby, and have been here to help, but it wasn't enough. The reality is that even though we pray and love them, we cannot make them make good choices and work at staying together. A house divided cannot stand.

I was thinking on the way home from work about how I wish I could keep my heart calm when my children are going through hard times or making bad decisions. I am pretty good at faking it on the outside, but inside my heart breaks. I have trouble focusing on the simplest of tasks and find that my calm spirit gives way to tears and sometimes even anger at such a loss. You see, I have been through a divorce nearly 16 years ago, and it carries with it tremendous heartbreak and dysfunction. It takes years to get over the demise of a marriage and divorce leaves some heavy baggage that you can drag around for a lifetime unless you fight against it.

There is more drama going on as well, but I prefer to keep those things more private for the sake of those involved. Our family has been through a lot of tough times in years past, but we always come through every trial stronger. My mother once told me that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I sure hope she is right! I should be 10 feet tall and bullet proof by now! :-)

Our family is as close as it has ever been. We are pulling together and helping each other get through the ups and downs of life looking forward to the peace that passes all understanding that only God can provide.

Life took an unexpected turn!

November 19th of this year, I was going through a normal day when I fell down the stairs at home and broke my right wrist. And according to my surgeon, a very nasty break! So, I have been healing since then and still typing with my left hand. Ouch!

Whenever I have been presented a set of negative circumstances, it may take me a while, but I eventually learn something and this time is no different. Through this event, I learned what it's like to be dependent on others (mostly my husband) to do the most basic of daily hygiene tasks (some humiliating), and of hurting so bad you feel like screaming and occasionally I did. I felt the frustration of not being able to do what I wanted when I wanted to do it, of not getting to go to Christmas parties or to the salon because I hurt too bad. I also learned how much my husband and family loves me! That put up with me!

Today I am only a couple weeks away from being able to do the dishes again, or wipe off a counter top. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I am somewhat of a clean freak and to see dirty dishes in the kitchen sink when I can't do anything about it has driven me nutty! Today I had a breakthrough. I hung up my own clothes! The sheer weight of placing a garment on a hanger was impossible 1 week ago. I had at least a dozen sets of garments on the floor of my closet! I did it this morning! Yeah! I also used my right hand to wash my face! Oh how good that felt. Another positive from this accident is that I can do so much more with my left hand than ever before....I may even try to become ambidextrous! I am still working on holding a spoon or fork with my right hand, and a host of other things, but just being able to see light at the end of the tunnel is so encouraging I feel like dancing a jig!

The next time I see someone in a wheelchair, or in a sling, or without all their limbs, I will be able to relate just a little bit better. I am very blessed in that my injury is healing and I had a great surgeon who did a wonderful job on placing plates and screws where they needed to be so I can return to a normal life. Many people are not so fortunate. Thank you God for this lesson.

It's A Love Revolution - Baby!

I just returned from a women's conference in St. Louis where more than 10,000 women gathered to join hands and hearts to worship God, enjoy fellowship, and hear what we needed to hear. And that something was to let go of selfishness (what about me) and start a revolution of love in our homes, our neighborhoods, our communities and even more so to those who are enduring the rejection and pain of abuse, human traffic-ing, and starvation. We can no longer turn our backs on those that don't fit into our self-proclaimed molds.

God calls us to eagerly pursue love, but it took me along time to understand what love really is. That was because I didn't love myself until I was well into my adult years.....middle years. That was when I finally got it!!!!! Love was not a feeling, but a verb. Love is a thing of action. The passion to do something for someone else because I chose to. Not because that person deserved it, but because I had received real love from and acceptance from Jesus Christ. I had tried to earn love from doing good things, but my heart was still closed off. Why? because I wasn't perfect and I never felt worthy of being loved.

Two broken marriages later and years on my knees praying for God's help, He spoke to my heart and I understood. God had opened my eyes to what real love is. It is accepting someone as they are and reaching out to them with comfort, help in their trials and friendship. I no longer expected my family to measure up to my sense of perfection. I let go of all my religion and put on love (an act of my will) and out of that love I began to give. I gave money at first, because it was easy. But then as time went on, I discovered that people need to be loved much more than they need money. Oh, I still give money sacrifically to the causes I think God would want me to. But, I also give my time and my talents (we all have some)to help someone else. This was a real life changer. A miracle of peace and purpose came to me.

For many years now, I continue to experience peace and happiness! A sense of purpose fills my heart everyday. My purpose is to love God and love others by offering help to someone, encourage someone, and be a friend to someone everyday day. This includes family! Hubby is first, then kids, then parents, etc. etc.

Here's a RX in lieu of medication, when I wake up with a blue mood, I find a need in someone else's life and fill it. Once I complete this little RX, my blue mood disappears. Imagine that!

Think about this....If the greatest thing in the world is love, and if everyone in the world would concentrate on loving people, then wouldn't the problems of this world disappear? We can make a difference, one person at a time.

Reference: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13